Sunglasses: A Celebrity’s Best Friend

Celebrity Sunglasses on Youtube

Wherever they go, celebrities seem never seem to go without their sunglasses. Yes, that includes being indoors, out in the middle of the night, or even at their favourite night club. They have become best buds, impossible to separate. Actually, given the recent antics of Britney, Paris and Nicole, these days celebrities wear sunglasses more often than knickers.

Want to understand why? By delving into the complex and bewildering psyche of the celebrity mind, we try to answer this age-old riddle:

1. So they don’t get recognised. Celebrities can't risk getting mobbed by crazed fans on every street corner now can they? Eggheads and quacks alike agree that our brains are programmed to recognise other human faces mainly via their eyes. Obviously those celebrities who wear sunglasses everywhere have researched this fact and acted accordingly. These guys are smarther than you might think!
2. So they do get recognised. There are certain species of celebrity that actually desire attention of passers-by on the street, and use their designer sunglasses to achieve this. Certain celebrities who shall remain unnamed decide to adorn their faces with the most outrageous insect-resembling monstrosities they can get away with. Others have actually based their image around their glasses. This latter syndrome is known as the Bono factor, named after the mens glasses icon and aging U2 frontman for his trademark luminous wrap-arounds.
3. To protect themselves from flash photography. The number one predator of the simple celebrity is the vicious and merciless paparazzi - its natural for celebrities to think about defending themselves. These natural enemies are drawn in swarms to the bigger celebrities in particular. The paparazzi's primary offensive weapons are their huge flashes, predominantly used to startle their prey and cause gradual yet irreversible damage to their already ruined eye balls (see number 5 for more details on this). Darwin's theory of evolution explains why celebrities with sunglasses are in fact better equipped to survive and procreate than those without.
4. To cover up the state of their eyes. You'd be surpised to know that this is actually done to protect the fans rather than the celebrity. If we were exposed to the true state that celebrity eyes end up in after all night binges and long term sun damage, we'd be so horrified that our entire view of the world would crumble around us. Yes, ladies’ glasses of the rich and famous are there for our sake. Believe me.
5. Drugs make the sunlight hurt. The intense responsibility and pressure that society places on the celebrity species leads them inevitibly to drug abuse. Substances such as tetrahydrocanabinol and opiates cause the pupils to dilate. This means normal daylight or even a streetlamp, harmless to you and eye, are very painful for celebrities. Have a heart and let them wear their shades.

I hope now I’ve made you think twice before tutting under your breath next time you see a hollywood star sporting ridiculously unneccesary shades in pitch black conditions.